Talking to your demons: A soundtrack (originally published on Sniperhunter2012)

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GOD bless the den of iniquity, the distraction from daily life, the hotbed of foolishness and total waste of time and energy that is Facebook! Just spent ten or so minutes chatting with a dear friend, hoping to comfort and encourage her – family issues – she’s worried about her kid’s love life.

Hunter got to thinking about his twisted love affairs with obsession.

Hunter has always fallen in love with – or at the least become infatuated with – people he feels he can’t have and with altering circumstances he believes he cannot control. Perhaps the two are connected? Cue the sounds of dark irony and silly obviousness!

For many, many years Hunter (truth be told, its been decades) was obsessed with the concepts of ‘destiny’ and ‘purpose’. For decades he’d composed a mental symphony; the frequency dictating his life’s purpose and the person he wished to walk along with – to skip and bounce with – towards that purpose. Obsession with that symphony took the place of communication. Fate and purpose became a confused tangle with common sense the victim in his twisted game of ‘but don’t you see, Hunter, this is how it is supposed to be’.

Rather than chat and get to know a person – instead of listening to their song and learning if the frequency was the one he’d thought he’d been listening to – into his obsession Hunter would introduce his denial and excuse mixer, making subtle adjustments here and there.

Don’t like the same music? Fine, just tweak the reverb a bit or adjust the gain. It isn’t a clash in values, Hunter, ignore it. Argue too often over one another’s character defects? No problem, add some treble, it’ll be ok. Just make some temporary changes on concrete issues of the moment. No need to learn the root of those pesky wedge creating flaws.

Just met them, they seem like the perfect match yet all you know about them you learned in a mere night or week? ‘But they’re ‘the one’, don’t you see?’ Hunter’s obsession would whisper. ‘Your voices are in perfect harmony’. Drag out the blender and draw out any notes that are required. No need to learn the chords behind the person’s song, neither of the past nor the present.

Communications with the folks in his life and with his own desires and values were shut down by an obsession to validate Hunter’s version of ‘destiny’.

A universe encompassing, aeon spanning, mutual life stories Celtic knot became Hunter’s symphony. No further learning necessary. Life was all ‘read my lips – read my mind – read my heart – we are ready, we are an amazing story, and we are each others’.

So many relationships lost, so many potential chart toppers left unplayed, thanks to obsession. Hunter was unwilling to acknowledge the communication imperative.

Potential serious love and victims of deadly love alike cannot be revisited in the same old format, thank God.

Errors leading to loss can be addressed, however, in expectation that they can be permanently scrubbed clean.

Inspired by a technique used in Third Eye Blind’s Why Can’t You Be Hunter held a conversation with his obsession. He hoped to find a new frequency to bring him back to his Path.

Looking down a previously hidden road, he wished to define and compose a happier purpose. Hunter created the first of what will be many new soundtracks. This one is a retrospective.

Here you will find a conversation held in song.

Hunter imagines it as a conversation between a couple (potential or presently together) who fail to seriously discuss their needs, desires, and worries until this lyrical chat.

The two finally speak their minds.

Hunter finally spoke to his mind and to his obsessions. This back and forth is the result.

Enjoy.

From Blue October – Hate Me

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I’ll never cross your mind

From Metallica – Unforgiven

What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven

From Collective Soul – The World I Know

Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on

From Foo Fighters – the Pretender

What if I say I will never surrender?
What if I say I’m not like the others?
What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
You’re the pretender

From Stabbing Westward – What Do I Have To Do?

You make it hard to breathe, it’s as if I’m suffocating
And when you’re next to me I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
It makes me sad to think this could all be for nothing
I wish there was a way, a way for you to see inside me
I’ve never felt this way about anyone or anything, tell me

What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?

From Metallica – Unforgiven

You labelled me
I’ll label you

From Blue October – Hate Me

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

From Semisonic – Who’s Stopping You?

We’re wasting our time
Watching our old reruns
Waiting for the good one that never comes

From Matchbox Twenty – If You’re Gone

I think you’re so mean I think we should try

I think I could need this in my life

From Melissa Etheridge – Fearless Love

I need a fearless love
Don’t need to fear the end
If you can’t hold me now
You will never hold me again
I want to live my life
Pursuing all my happiness
I want a fearless love
I won’t settle for anything less

From James Morrison – One Life

You say the more you think you know what’s right
The less you do what you feel inside
So I won’t pretend that I always know
I just follow my heart wherever it goes
And I may not always get it right
But at least I’m living coz I’ve only got this…

One life, one life, one life, I’ve got this one life

From Collective Soul – The World I Know

Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?

From Third Eye Blind – Why Can’t You Be?

Could we just leave it be?

We could live our lives separately

Could you forget what happens to you?

To you and me?

From Foo Fighters – The Pretender

I’m the voice inside your head you refuse to hear
I’m the face that you have to face, mirrorin’ your stare
I’m what’s left, I’m what’s right, I’m the enemy
I’m the hand that’ll take you down, bring you to your knees
So who are you? Yeah, who are you?
Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you?

From Rush – The Pass

And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can’t face life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor’s edge
Don’t turn your back
And slam the door on me

From Semisonic – Who’s Stopping You?

We’re speaking in tongues

Both of us dumbfounded

Our brains have been impounded by our hearts

You said you had somebody better to become

Who’s stopping you?

From Eminem – Not Afraid

I’m standing up, I’ma face my demons
I’m manning up, I’ma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Tryin’ to put my life back together right now

From Melissa Etheridge – Fearless Love

I’ve walked my path had worlds collide
I lost my way and I fooled my pride
This lover’s ache wouldn’t feel so strange
If I could only change

From Third Eye Blind – Why Can’t You Be?

When we’re dead and we’ll be dead
We’ll have eternity
And I will spend it all, missing you
Missing you and me
So while I’m alive I will always be

Seeking you out, digging you out
Wondering about how it goes so far down
And what’s wrong with you?
What’s wrong with you and me?

From Yellowcard – Here I Am Alive

They say you don’t grow up
You just grow old,
It’s safe to say I haven’t done both
I made mistakes, I know, I know

From Third Eye Blind – Jumper

Well, everyone I know has got a reason
To say put the past away

Wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand

From Stabbing Westward – What Do I Have To Do?

I know exactly what you’re thinking
But I swear this time I will not let you down
I’m not as selfish as I used to be
That was a part of me that never made me proud
Right now I think I would try anything
Anything at all to keep you satisfied

From Blue October – Hate Me

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape, to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

From Collective Soul – The World I Know

All the words that I’ve been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one
Into one

So I walk up on high and I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
‘Cause it’s the world I know, it’s the world I know

From James Morrison – One Life

If I knew yesterday what I know today, where would I be tomorrow
I won’t let my soul slide away, I’d do whatever it takes
Coz this time’s only borrowed

I got one life, one life

From Melissa Etheridge – Fearless Love

Now I’m not here to lay the blame
I understand when you hold a flame
Heads will shake heads will turn
And sometimes you just get burned

From Matchbox Twenty – If You’re Gone

If you’re gone maybe it’s time to come home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room but I can hardly move
And if you’re gone, baby, you need to come home
‘Cause there’s a little bit of something me in everything in you

From Rush – The Pass

It’s not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It’s not as if you’re all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

From Eminem – Not Afraid

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don’t even realize what you did, believe me you

From Stabbing Westward – What Do I Have To Do?

God, I hope you see

What losing you would do to me

All I want is one more chance

Tell me….

From Rush – Available Light

All four winds together
Can’t bring the world to me
Shadows hide the play of light
So much I want to see
Chase the light around the world
I want to look at life
In the available light

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About Hunter Nash; Nash Communications

Over ten years wasted in self imposed exile - working for cash to exist rather than creating and working for Self in order to LIVE. Five years in a creative frenzy. Five years of work lost/stolen. Two years reevaluating EVERYTHING I once believed and held dear. Two months on the street with WIDE open eyes and a new perspective. One month that changed EVERYTHING. One week which held the key to open up the world for me. One day is all it takes to guide or to change a life. Go Full Human. Here I am alive.

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